having a “him” moment
i rally wanted to go through this phase of your life with him.
give him a big kiss at the end,
and say “congrats, you made it.”
but all these were just my wishful thinking.
to be his support,
to be there when he needed me most,
to be his listening ear.
perhaps i failed at all the above,
i was so sure if we were to give us a second shot,
i would do my best.
perhaps this love was just suffocating.
they say that when you love someone deeply, fear also starts to grow.
and mine grew,
so big,
i, myself couldn’t contain it.
now that he has taken flight,
i just hope he is happy now.
i know he doesn’t feel the same for me,
and we have both moved on in our lives,
i don’t know if i still feel the same.
i’ve just decided to put all those feelings i had for him and shut them tightly in a box.
untouched till now.
it’s the only way for me.
i am happy, i am stronger, more independent.
still, i can’t help but look back on what we had.
all the good times and the bad that we have managed to overcome then.
i really enjoyed his company, his presence, his wit and him just being him.
sometimes i think what if we pulled through that time?
what would we be now?
hah. but i should stop these thoughts,
i know they won’t go anywhere.
especially when i know it isn’t mutual anymore.
some people fall out in and out of love so easily.
i wish i was like that.
it will probably take me a loooooong time,
and the right man for me to feel that way again.
don’t worry, i ain’t fantasizing or hoping or having any positive thoughts about me and him.
i know its impossible now,
since we are strangers again.
and i doubt our lives will ever cross each other once more.
i am just having one of those “i miss us” moments.
recalling the love,
already makes me happy.
i hope you are living the life that you so desire right now.
